Tuesday 16 February 2010

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I do not have a title for this post. I do not have any opinion. I do not have a way to react. I do not know why I am writing this. I do not know what I am getting at. I do not know whether this makes or will make any sense by the end of this article.

I witnessed my golden retriever dying, as the doctor had forgotten to prescribe vitamins with steroids. I saw him suffer an agonising death at the age of 8. My parents fixed it by never getting a dog again.

I witnessed my grandmother die of breast cancer, everyday lying in that bed, everyday I could feel her slipping away from us and stepping closer to the doors of death. There were three things she told me when she died. "Remember the cash I gave you, please buy your mum a watch with that on her birthday, take care of your mother and take two of my bangles, I would be glad if you had them". I tried to fix it by getting into a course that dealt with therapy of cancer.

I lost two of my batch mates in something that I do not have the courage or heart to type through, and I do not know how to fix it.

I had been fortunate enough to have and share my room in my undergraduate years with splendid friends. A hell lot of fun during holidays, and were often yelled at during exam times.
Every time I choked and I didn't have water in my room I would run to adjoining rooms, and Sindhuri would run and hunt for water and get me some from somewhere. Every time we were at the mess tables eating that horrible fodder called "food" on our plates, Sindhuri would kindly present her pickle to make the food edible. Every time we had an outing, some grand social occassion and some one missed some matching accessories Shilpa would bring out her big bag of jewellery and help us, and even suggest us people who could help us out. I remember once I had to get to Ranchi and I didn't get my seats confirmed she let me and Aayushi take her berth while she and Shreya bunked together.

People say you don't realise the value of something till its gone and I empathise. I now realise that they weren't just people who lived next to my room, they weren't just faces I came across every now and then at the canteen, at the corridors of the institute, at the O.C.; somehow we all shared so many million memories that it's just difficult to put a finger on the fact as to why this loss is so painful to come to terms to.

Death, no matter in what form it comes; is always hard to come to terms with. But forced unnatural death; it just doesn't give you enough scope to come to terms with something like that.

My friends and batch mates had a peace march and a condolence that made them get closer and come to terms with their sorrow and grief. I have no vent, I have no mourners who are in the same denied state. I am still somehow foolishly led on to believe that they are alive and we are mistaken.

I never realised Shilpa and Sindhuri had touched my life in such different ways.

With this article I hope I come in terms with my grief and sorrow. With this article I pull myself up and say,


R.I.P. Shilpa & Sindhuri....

2 comments:

  1. I understand ... And believe me, they are not too far away ... they are still there ... where you always felt them to be ... <3

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  2. didnt know you were such close friends with them...its certainly sad to lose friends and loved ones...we have to honor them with our deeds and actions with the time that we are lucky to have on this earth...

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