Act I, Scene II:Merchant of mallu-land...P.S. Belated Happy B'Day Godess

I have always had an insatiable love for the folks of mallu land, and my batch mates will be able to not only corelate but also laugh their hearts out about the same.
Anyway, so it was one of my Godesses birthday and someone commonly known as the pachyderm approached me asking me to write something specially crafted for her and relating to her life which comprised of being a Mallu, studying M.S.(yeah..you are right we are talking U.S. of A baby!) and being forced by her father to marry other mallu dorks or atleast consider the idea.
So what hit me next was the conversation that Portia and Nerissa had in ActI,Scene II in Merchant Of Venice and how she despised the prospect of being forced to marry someone according to the plan set by her father,supposedly fool proof and supposed to be the way she finds her perfect life partner.
It had too much of similarity for me not feeling that moment to be a "DEJA VU" moment, and a chill ran down my spine.
What followed next was me rushing back to my hostel (not exactly rushing, coming back at 6.30 which is sadly btw our in-time), downloading the dialogue and set off editing after sometime what comprosed was as follows.Since my dear godess is too overcrowded with late night works(I-MEAN-IT!) and has not got back to me about the same so here's to hoping when she finally sees my cry for her response to the same. Here-goes-nothing....!



ACT I,SCENE II: A room in GODESS'S house.
Enter GODDESS and ANGEL.

GODDESS
By my troth, ANGEL, my little body is weary of this great world.

ANGEL
You would be, sweet madam, if your miseries were in the same abundance as your good fortunes are: and yet, for aught I see, they are as sick that surfeit with too much as they that starve with nothing. It is no mean happiness therefore, to be seated in the mean lab: superfluity comes sooner by microbes, but competency lives longer.

GODDESS
Good sentences and well pronounced.

ANGEL
They would be better, if well followed.

GODDESS
If to do were as easy as to know what were good to do, chapels had been churches and autoclaving been fool proof. It is a good divine that follows his own instructions: I can easier teach twenty morons how PCR to be performed, than be one of the twenty to follow mine own teaching. The brain may devise laws for the blood, but a hot temper leapso'er a cold decree: such a hare is madness the youth, to skip o'er the meshes of good counsel the cripple. But this reasoning is not in the fashion to choose me a husband. O me, the word 'choose!' I may neither choose a mallu bloke whom I would nor refuse whom I dislike; so is the will of a living daughter curbed by the whims of a MALLU father. Is it not hard,ANGEL, that I cannot choose a blockhead nor refuse none?

ANGEL
Your father is ever virtuous; and holy MALLUs for their daughters have good inspirations: therefore the lottery,that he hath devised in these three chests of gold, silver and lead, whereof who chooses his meaning chooses you, will, no doubt, never be chosen by any rightly but one who shall rightly love. But what warmth is there in your affection towards any of these princely suitors that are already come?

GODDESS
I pray thee, over-name them; and as thou namest them, I will describe them; and, according to my description, level at my affection.

ANGEL
First, there is the Thiruvaanthapuram-ian prince..

GODDESS
Ay, that's a colt indeed, for he doth nothing but talk of his rocketting device; and he makes it a great appropriation to his own good ORGANs, that he can show him himself. I am much afeard my lady his mother played false with a smith.

ANGEL
Then there is the County GOPINATH.

GODDESS
He doth nothing but frown, as who should say 'If you will not have me, choose:' he hears merry tales and smiles not: I fear he will prove the weeping philosopher AS THE LYRICIST OF AUDIOSLAVE when he grows old, being so full of unmannerly sadness in his youth. I had rather be married to a SHUKLA's-head with a bone in his mouth than to either of these. God defend me from these two!

ANGEL
How say you by the French lord, Monsieur Le KRISHNAN?

GODDESS
God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man.In truth, I know it is a sin to be a mocker: but,he! why, he hath a ORGAN better than theThiruvaanthapuram-ian 's, a better bad habit of frowning than the Count GOPINATH; he is every man in no man; if a throstle sing, he falls straight a capering: he will fence with his own shadow: if I should marry him, I should marry twenty husbands. If he would despise me I would forgive him, for if he love me to madness, I shall never requite him.

ANGEL
What say you, then, to PUSHPLAL, the young baron of KOCHI?

GODDESS
You know I say nothing to him, for he understands not me, nor I him: he hath neither ENGLISH, JHARKHANDI,nor MALAYALAM, and you will come into the court and swear that I have a poor pennyworth in the English.He is a proper man's picture, but, alas, who can converse with a dumb-show? How oddly he is suited!I think he bought his doublet in , his round house in KOTTAYAM, his bonnet in KASSUR and his behaviour everywhere.

ANGEL
What think you of the KASARGOD-ish lord, his neighbour?

GODDESS
That he hath a neighbourly charity in him, for he borrowed a box of the ear of the MALLU bloke and swore he would pay him again when he was able: I think the mallu ass became his surety and sealed under for another.
ANGEL
How like you the young Mallu, the Duke of Belur's nephew?
GODDESS
Very vilely in the morning, when he is sober, and most vilely in the afternoon, when he is drunk: when he is best, he is a little worse than a man, and when he is worst, he is little better than a beast:and the worst fall that ever fell, I hope I shall make shift to go without him.

ANGEL
If he should offer to choose, and choose the right casket, you should refuse to perform your father's wish, if you should refuse to accept him.

GODDESS
Therefore, for fear of the worst, I pray thee, set a deep bowl of typical sambhar on the contrary casket,for if the devil be within and that temptation without, I know he will choose it. I will do anything, ANGEL, ere I'll be married to BACTERIAL CULTURE.

ANGEL
You need not fear, lady, the having any of these lords: they have acquainted me with their determinations; which is, indeed, to return to their home and to trouble you with no more suit, unless you may be won by some other sort than your father's imposition depending on the caskets.
GODDESS
If I live to be as old as Sibylla, I will die as chaste as Diana, unless I be obtained by the manner of my father's will. I am glad this parcel of wooer sare so reasonable, for there is not one among them but I dote on his very absence, and I pray God grant them a fair departure.

ANGEL
Do you not remember, lady, in your father's time, a Mallyalam, a scholar and a soldier, that came hither in company of the Great Virappan?

GODDESS
Yes, yes, it was; as I think, he was so called.

ANGEL
True, madam: he, of all the men that ever my foolish eyes looked upon, was the best deserving a fair lady.

GODDESS
I remember him well, and I remember him worthy of thy praise.
Enter a Serving-man
How now! what news?

PACHYDERM
The four strangers seek for you, madam, to take their leave: and there is a fore runner come from a fifth, the Thiruvaanthapuram-ian prince, who brings word the prince his master will be here to-night.

GODDESS
If I could bid the fifth welcome with so good a heart as I can bid the other four farewell, I should be glad of his approach: if he have the condition of a saint and the complexion of a devil, I had rather he should shrive me than wive me. Come,ANGEL. Sirrah, go before.Whiles we shut the gates upon one wooer, another knocks at the door.

Exeunt

HAPPY B'DAY GODDESS..NEVER HOLD BACK A DESIRE...!