Wednesday 24 June 2009

My song

This was up on orkut for a very loooong time and I thought I could give it the audience it deserves!

"OK people...Nupur started it..Yang helped & I completed it so NOW comment,

He was a BOY
she was a GIRL
rest all of 'em were GAYS.

He was a fuck, she added to it
wt more can i say.

He wanted her; she’d never tell
secretly she liked other girls as well.

But all of her friends stuck up their nose
they had a prob with him wearing pantyhose.

He wore a pantyhose & she wore boxer shorts,
both of them had a prob with fitting in it.

Five years from now, she sits at home
feeding the baby
she's all alone.

She turns on TV;
guess wt she sees,
boxer shorts rocking up FTV.

She calls up her friends, they already know
and they've all got tickets to see this launch.

She tags along and stands in the crowd,
looks up at the shorts she tried2fit in right..

He wore a pantyhose n she wore boxer shorts
they weren't good enough for them.
NOW its on d ramp an idea she started
blame your pretty friends what they did!!!

Sorry girl but you missed out
well tough luck those shorts are copyrighted now
it more than fits me fine
i hop it sure does rhyme.

Too bad that you couldn't see
see wt lovely shorts they could be.

There is more than what meets the eye
I see the idea that rocks deep inside.

He wore a pantyhose & she wore boxer shorts
can i make it anymore obvious?!!

We r in business haven't you heard
how we are rocking the fashion world.

He wanted her, she’d never tell
secretly she liked other girls as well
now they are on, doing it on TV
And they r making quite some mone-y.
About what to do in a pantyhose!


Well I really tried people...lets c wt d critics ought2say about all this!"

Tuesday 23 June 2009

Surely you're joking Miss Das

Well I know..I know..its the exact similar thing as the famous vintage book called, "Surely you're joking Mr.Feynman", but that is the perfect headline to my article!
I know that while writing about myself and my idiosyncrasies might come of as a bit self obsessed but then the whole point of having a blog is to put out things that are out of the ordinary or that entertains its readers well that's exactly what I'm about to do!

As a kid when we got to learn geometry, I learnt that a triangle is a closed figure formed of three sides. So when the innumerable Hindi movies arrived with the so called 'love triangle' I failed to understand how it was a triangle. I'll explain why I'm saying this. Suppose A & B are guys and C is a girl. So A loves C, C loves B and B reciprocates then its just two sides lying in the limitless space, it can only be a triangle if A loves C, C loves B and B loves A. For that to happen, B needs to be homosexual or bisexual which would not be allowed to be shown by the censor board of India back in the days of the time that I am referring to.Any suggestion to clear out my life long doubt is most welcome!

Another thing that has always confused me is the difference between shirts and T-shirts. I can never get it right as to which one is which! Again, I'll explain why I portray it as such a difficult thing. For me formal shirts are more likely to be called T-shirts. Look at the diagram and you'll know the psyche behind it.



Once I was teaching my cousin who was in kindergarten or something similarly small..LOL.. Anyhow, he failed to understand the difference between bus and truck. Tired of logical explanations I drew a bus and made faces in its windows and said that ,"See buses carry people,trucks carry goods". He understood and I was feeling extremely jubilant with my accomplishment so I went out with him for a simple stroll. It was during Chatt or some similar festival, so people were loaded on trucks and going somewhere and he pointed at one of the trucks and said ,"See,see..that's a bus". End of my teaching background, never tried to teach anybody anything again!

When I was really young, the thing that was causing the buzz on TV were these ALL-OUT advertisements! They used to show a normal mat holder v/s ALL-OUT as a competition of which one consumes more mosquitoes. And the ALL-OUT machine sprang all over the place to gobble each and every one of them. I went up to my parents and said that I wanted to buy an ALL-OUT machine. When asked why, I told them that how it pounced around to kill mosquito and I thought it'd be fun to watch something jump around to kill mosquitoes they simply laughed. I was later told that it actually didn't jump around I was pretty sad!

My dad was teaching me science in my IVth or Vth standard and we came down to physical properties of materials. He went on about conductors and non conductors, seeing me totally dazed by these words he paused and asked ,"you do know what conductors and non-conductors are right"? I very confidently replied ," Of course I do,the guy who is at the gate of the bus and gives us tickets is the conductor and the person whose driving the bus or the driver is the non conductor". They laugh till date just thinking of it!

"That's all folks"!

Saturday 13 June 2009

The Hot Seat!

I have waited almost a lifetime to actually qualify to not getting into any trouble before I put this up.
Anyway, it refers to a time exactly 1 year ago, those hot times when placements yielded multiple responses varying from person to person..for some it was the only hope, for some it was a backup, for some it was a job backup amidst jobs and so on and so forth!
We started buying "Let us C" and other books and started studying C, making notes, solving programs, often calling up our 'programmer' friends late at night to ask how to code a program that requires us to change a number from binary to decimal and vice versa and discovering a prototype solution that made life so much more simpler. :wink:
Another few things that almost everybody had was Barron's, almost everybody had solved the comprehensions, mugged the frequency words and everything. AHH! I almost forgot
'Quantitative mathematics' by S.Chand..every-freaking-body owned it and looked at it to brush up their weak points.
Last but not the least, written questions that have come elsewhere..oh! its brilliant how theydont change the options,the values, simply nothing...!
D-DAY arrived and it was a cake walk! The same questions with the same options were just lying out there waiting to be 'clicked'.As soon as I finished my written and submitted a greeting flashed on my screen congratulating me on me qualifying my written! I was feeling pretty darned lucky! We had to wait in for them to formally announce the names of the people who weren't selected, and kept my fingers crossed throughout! And well my name wasn't there, which basically led me to the second round of formalities and the much feared interview!
We were all handed out forms in which we had to fill in our details and stick our passport sized photograph and normal stuff!
We were one by one called out for interviews. I was one of the lucky ones to get done with our interviews by the very first slot! We were made to be seated in the Training & Placement cells which were used for interviews. The A.C. was on at full blast and I could still not find it cooling me off! My classmate sitting next to me was called off for an interview while we were getting terrified of the people already being interviewed as we could already hear some heated discussions going on!
Her seat was quickly replaced by another girl,she was pursuing M.Sc. in Bio informatics, and she did quite a good job in cooling me down as she seemed to know way lesser than me, I don't want to sound mean but times as tense as this..a feel good factor does wonders! She was also called off and her seat was replaced by a classmate of mine I asked him basic questions that were supposed to be interview questions like, "What are your shortcomings?" and he gave a very sheepish smile and said,"I tend to care about the people I love too much!" and we laughed cause we knew he ain't nothing like that, the answer was as old and cliche`d as the word "cliche`" itself!
Soon, even he got called in, I was left sitting their feeling petrified, then a friend of mine a T&P representative, goes by the name "Sidhartha Maheshwari" came and made me laugh about how he was bugged with the fact that all of them are bongs(read:bengalis) and they kept ordering him around in bengali and they didn't seem to realise that he's not following a word they are saying! Then he assured me that I had to be recruited as I'm also a bong and we shared some laughs. Soon he was called off for some purpose. As I started counting as to how long I'll be waiting there, my classmate came out saying that the interview was damn easy and I was called in next!
My heart was pounding so badly I felt my dupatta quiver a bit! I asked myself in and seated myself. Then as I placed myself in the chair, I felt my hands to be so very surplus; I didn't know what to do with them and suddenly it dawned on me that we were advised in one of the GD tips sessions to keep our palms open that showed alertness while being confident and calm! So I placed my open palms on the table feeling like a complete fool at the same time cause never in my life had I sat like that! Then he started asking me questions here's how it followed:
X: "How do you spell your name?"
A: "Awe-dray-zah"
X: " What does it mean?"
A: "Sir it means invincibility. Its another name of Goddess Parvati in Sanskrit."
X: "Who chose your name?"
A: "My father's friend had suggested it!"
X: "Oh! So you live in Kolkata I see,Behala?"
A: "Yes,sir!"
X: "Your brother's also in XYZ. Where is he posted as of now?"
A: "Sir, right now he's in Vishakapatnam undergoing his training."
X: "Oh!..So are you nervous?"
A: "Well who isn't sir, but then my mother being a psychologist advised me ways to keep my calm."
X: "So, what did she advise you?"
A: "Sir she asked me to breathe at all times and give it my best shot!"
X: "So are you doing that right now?"
A: "You could say so!"
X: "I see you have had music training for quite sometime, so how come you didn't go in for the talent hunts?"[I'm not kidding he asked me this!]
A: "To qualify and do fairly well in those shows one needs to be extraordinary and I barely scrape off as ordinary!"

Enter a person with tea, water and a sandwich.
Exit person.

X: "Do you drink tea?"
A: "Yes sir, I do!"
X: "Please have. I don't drink tea and one should never waste food!"
A: [blank]
X: "Go on! Don't feel shy!"
[At this point of time I was really hungry and I was really hoping he'd offer me his sandwich also,but alas! ;) ]
X: "Do you know what's the meaning of exhume?"
A: "No sir!"
X: "Do you have a boyfriend?"
A: [Chuckle] "No sir!"
X: "OK! suppose you had a boyfriend..no suppose you have a husband, he feels that you should discontinue your job and take up your household chores and I on the same day offer you a promotion, how will you handle the situation?"
A: "Sir, 1st I'd try to make him understand as to why I cant quit my job!..."
X: [Interrupts]"What if he doesn't want to listen to your reasons?"
A: [I really felt like telling him ,"I won't be marrying a bum like that,DUH!",but I refrained.]"I will explain to him what all I have done to reach where I am, and what all more I can achieve that will take me a step closer to my dream and if he still doesn't understand I'll go ahead without his consent!"
X: "Hmmm..So do you know C++?"
A: "No sir, But I am quite good with C, my concept of data structures isn't all that great but rest is really fine."
X: "What about your future plans?"
A: "Somewhere down the line I plan to take the GRE and try for masters in the USA, but nothing at present."
X: "Of all the companies why XYZ?"
A: "Sir, XYZ has......Besides sir its one of the only company with an emerging life sciences branch and hence gives me the opportunity to put my studies in application to make this world a better place to live in!"
X: "Ah! That's nice, as a matter of fact I am the head of the life sciences department.But tell me something..Who sang that?"
A: "I beg your pardon sir?"
X: "Heal the world make it a better place..who sang that?"
A: [Stumble]"Er...Phill Collins??"
X: "No..!Anyhow, that's OK Audreza, you can go now."
A: [Smile] "Thank You sir..I look forward to be working in your company."

We were told that the results will be declared day after at 4p.m., but we were made to watch Tom & Jerry shows for 2 hours and finally the results were declared and almost 95% of my class had got through! It was such a relief and we were in a state of delirium to be so happy and nothing actually quite matches the feeling of getting a first offer! It takes all that pressure off of you and it makes you feel quite ecstatic indeed! I guess its one of those,"Live it to Learn it" feelings! But then again had I not got the first offer I wouldn't have got to crap about the interview either..quite a fix eh? :evil grin: